I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
