I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
