Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
