I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
