I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
