I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
