maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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