this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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