So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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