whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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