some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize