i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
