he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
