Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
