Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
