can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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