Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sober January is a disaster.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
