Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
