This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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