i was born a porn star she said
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
