I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
