Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
