I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
