What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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