i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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