She is in my trunk
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
