Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
