The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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