cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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