I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and she was petting her beer can
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
