Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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