I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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