What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.