Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.