The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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