I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?