I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night