So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.