He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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