yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
