I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
