do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
