love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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