no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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