I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
