but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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