I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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