the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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