I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
