The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
