the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
