Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
