Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
