and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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