you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
