Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
