"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
