I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
