I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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