I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
