OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
