you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
