Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
tell me about the eggs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
