Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
