I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize