Me too!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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