when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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