I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
