when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
