Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
