i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
