i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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