Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
