pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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