How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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