I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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