It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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