just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
